The Worst Day

Today is the worst day.

No, the worst day was not when I found out I had cancer. That was the easiest day. Great, now I know I have cancer, let’s just beat the fuck outta this bitch and call it a day. The day of my surgery was not the worst day either. I was hopped up on pain meds and the local anesthetic was rollin’ and I was overall in a state of anticipation waiting for the pain to hit, and it didn’t.

No, today is the worst day. Today is the day after the surgery, and mother fucker the pain hit me like a tractor trailer going 7000 miles per hour followed by a freight train going 9000 miles per hour. It hurt. My back hurts, my hips hurt, my vagina hurts, my uterus hurts, my bladder hurts, my knees hurt. Everything. Fucking. Hurts.

Seriously. You think you have a high pain tolerance? Yeah, so did I. Have cancer. Have a tiny video camera shoved up your vagina INTO YOUR CERVIX (that tiny hole only big enough for sperm to get through) and doctor’s cutting away at the lining of your bladder. It’ll test ya, let me tell you.

Last night, I spent the majority of the night getting sick (yeah, my body hates pain meds), and so I am too afraid to take anything stronger than an 800 mg Ibuprofen today, and honestly, it ain’t doin’ it for me. Bless his soul, my friend Nic (actually the only person on this earth who knows I have cancer besides my doctors) has been a great distraction today, or as much as he can. He has to work all day, so he’s incredibly busy, but he’s trying. It’s okay, the relationship is completely plutonic minus the fact that I’ve been in love with him since I was 14 and we sleep together. So the relationship is not plutonic at all – it’s a warped and twisted relationship in which I assume the position of the hopeless romantic who falls for the older, sexier man who lives 5 hours away, and he assumes the position of the older, sexier man who feels bad for the hopeless romantic. He’s great actually.

And so the lion fell in the love with the lamb.

So, today is the worst day. I have spent the day in bed alternating between ice and heat (ever iced your vagina? Don’t.) and The Office and The Lucky One. I should be watching The Fault In Our Stars, right? No fucking way. Shit is whack. I finally opened my computer right now to post because again, Sarah’s Blog 2.0 WILL NOT PERISH.

Today is the worst day. But that means tomorrow will be better.

This glass is half full. Hopefully of vodka.

Yours truly,

S